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masturbation caught on tape
Private life of a mature woman caught on tape

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My wife thinks I'm gay? (huge misunderstanding)?
While posting on an "adult" message board for erotic film enthusiasts I brought up how turned on I used to be as a guy about the prospect of seeing naked women in playboys and films like Porky's and how watching porn today can be a joyless almost numbing experience.

We all agreed that the most fun we ever had watching porn was during sleepovers at friends, one of our friends would bring out the tape and we'd see the hot chick on the box cover covering herself with a pillow and I'd have to stamp my feet as fast as I could on the carpet and chew on my t-shirt to keep from screaming for joy. The first time the woman would get naked we all couldn't believe it and we'd pause the movie and we'd have to cover our boners with our pillows and then go use the bathroom so we could jerk off.

Looking back on those sleepovers I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life, and it has been impossible to recapture that sense of naive joy and erotic wonder, even my first time having sex with a woman was a letdown by comparison.

We all agreed this was true and I came up with the idea of holding "sleepovers" and pretending we're 11 years old again, and several posters who lived in my area agreed this was a great idea.

A few dozen posts later we were able to work out some ground rules. One big rule is that we all had to be at least 18 years old (most of us are 35 and older). Each member has to try to hold at least on gathering every 3 months (there are 12 of us) and we have to stay in character at ALL times so as to not break the spell. (kind of like live action role playing)

The host of the party has to provide the material, usually old playboy tapes, Penthouse Magazines, and hardcore porn (must be from 1992 or before, preferably 80's "golden age" porn.

We all have to wear pajamas and bring chips and pop. We tend to play old nintendo games for an hour till the hosts "parents" go to bed then the host goes "look what I got guys!" then takes out the porn and we all jump around and high five and then wait with giddy expectation. During the movie we turn to each other and grin and talk about how horny we are and comment on the "action". Like if a woman with huge breasts disrobes for a shower we have to pause the movie and go "whoaaaaa!" "I'd like to suck on those" "Imagine if you touched her boobs with your penis!" "I heard that girls will put their mouth on your penis and lick it!" etc. There used to be a no masturbation rule but that was quickly nixed, the whole purpose of the gatherings is to feed of each others erotic energy the pent up erotic energy is too much to resist, we tend to whip down out pajamas at the same time and masturbate. We try to keep a silly naive quality though and jokingly point at each others members and try to shout out different things about their penises. "That sure beats Super Mario Bros.!" is my ejaculation catchphrase.

Since starting these gatherings I have never felt more alive and my sex life with my wife couldn't be better, that is until one gathering where she caught an early flight home for the purpose of "surprising" me and ended up walking in on a dozen men masturbating in her living room. I will never forget the shocked look on her face and she immediately left and stayed at her sisters house.

I managed to talk to her and explain what she witnessed but she isn't really buying my story, she keeps going on about how I am having "gay sex orgies" behind her back (we never touch each other!) and that I am living a lie. She has even started to indicate that she wants a divorce!

Is there anyway I can get her to understand what I have been doing? I love my wife and ironically have never been more attracted to her than I am now, I realize I had been somewhat guyish and now realize that I have a gorgeous voluptuous woman that my 11 year old self would have sold his Super Nintendo and Bike just to be able to touch her naked breasts and I could loser her. Please help me get her back!

ahahahahahahaha!!!!! HHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA!! i CANT STOP LAUGHING. Bro you made my day. Your wife walked in on a dozen men jacking off in your living room!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, that's hilarious.

My wife thinks Im gay?
While posting on an "adult" message board for erotic film enthusiasts I brought up how turned on I used to be as a guy about the prospect of seeing naked women in playboys and films like Porky's and how watching porn today can be a joyless almost numbing experience.

We all agreed that the most fun we ever had watching porn was during sleepovers at friends, one of our friends would bring out the tape and we'd see the hot chick on the box cover covering herself with a pillow and I'd have to stamp my feet as fast as I could on the carpet and chew on my t-shirt to keep from screaming for joy. The first time the woman would get naked we all couldnt believe it and we'd pause the movie and we'd have to cover our boners with our pillows and then go use the bathroom so we could jerk off.

Looking back on those sleepovers I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life, and it has been impossible to recapture that sense of naive joy and erotic wonder, even my first time having sex with a woman was a letdown by comparison.

We all agreed this was true and I came up with the idea of holding "sleepovers" and pretending we're 11 years old again, and several posters who lived in my area agreed this was a great idea.

A few dozen posts later we were able to work out some ground rules. One big rule is that we all had to be at least 18 years old (most of us are 35 and older). Each member has to try to hold at least one gathering every 3 months (there are 12 of us) and we have to stay in character at ALL times so as to not break the spell. (kind of like live action role playing)

The host of the party has to provide the material, usually old playboy tapes, Penthouse Magazines, and hardcore porn (must be from 1992 or before, preferably 80's "golden age" porn.

We all have to wear pajamas and bring chips and pop. We tend to play old nintendo games for an hour till the hosts "parents" go to bed then the host goes "look what I got guys!" then takes out the porn and we all jump around and high five and then wait with giddy expectation. During the movie we turn to each other and grin and talk about how horny we are and comment on the "action". Like if a women with huge breasts disrobes for a shower we have to pause the movie and go "whoaaaa!" "I'd like to suck on those" "Imagine if you touched her boobs with your penis!" "I heard that girls will put their mouth on your penis and lick it!" etc. There used to be a no masturbation rule but that was quickly nixed, the whole purpose of the gatherings is to feed off each others erotic energy the pent up erotic energy is too much to resist, we tend to all whip down our pajamas at the same time and masturbate , we try to keep a silly naive quality though and jokingly point at each others members and try to shout out different things when we *** "That sure beats Super Mario Bros.!" is my ejaculation catchphrase.

Since starting these gatherings I have never felt more alive and my sex life with my wife couldn't be better, that is until one gathering where she caught an early flight home for the purpose of "surprising" me and ended up walking in on a dozen men masturbating in her living room. I will never forget the shocked look on her face and she immediately left and stayed at her sisters house.

I managed to talk to her and explain what she witnessed but she isn't really buying my story, she keeps going on about how I am having "gay sex orgies" behind her back (we never touch each other!!!) and that I am living a lie. She has even started to indicate that she wants a divorce!

Is there any way I can get her to understand what I have been doing? I love my wife and ironically have never been more attracted to her than I am now, I realize I had been somewhat guyish and now realize that I have a gorgeous voluptuous woman that my 11 year old self would have sold his Super Nintendo and Bike just to be able to touch her naked breasts and I could lose her. Please help me get her back!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

That's so funny.
Sorry but you're screwed in my opinion.

Its going to be a bit hard for your wife to believe. "we were pretending" doesn't work in the grown up world sorry.

What can I do? I feel like I'm out of options.?
Here's the deal... and I need a little help and outside perspective.

My wife and I get in frequent arguments about masturbation. She has been hurt by a man in her past that used to prefer himself and porn to her. She made it clear to me that she was very much against this when we got together and I have done my best to accommodate her wishes. I made a mistake, I was intoxicated and she ended up catching me doing "the deed" in the shower.... She has never truly been able to trust me since (that's not to say she trusted me before either)
Any time that I spend alone and unsupervised she begins to suspect that I am looking at porn and masturbating. This could mean that I'm home alone for awhile, am awake while she's sleeping, spent "too long" on the toilet, etc.
Here's the thing though - this isn't something that I need to do, nor is it something that I do at all anymore - I feel too guilty even thinking about it. And I have seen enough pornography in my day to be totally desensitized to it - I don't want a girl printed on paper, I want the real thing!
When ever she accuses me of it she calls me names, insinuates that she's going to cheat on me to get back at me, and generally makes me wish I wasn't alive - and I haven't even done anything! Have you ever been accused of something that you were in no way a part of? Ever been accused of the same thing you didn't do over and over? It hurts. It makes me want to leave.
Nothing I say or do has any effect on her opinion either - the thought occurred to her, I had the opportunity to do what she suspects I did (was home alone, etc) and so in her mind it is 100% certain that I did it, especially since I screwed up and she caught me doing it once before. For example this evening she went through my browser history and found a picture of a girl sneezing that shows a lot of cleavage. I tried to explain to her that this was a link on a news blogging site and that it is neither porn nor did I find that image intentionally. To her it was just the image that I missed when I went through the computer internet history and selectively deleted all the porn I'd looked at all day. If I can't definitively prove that I didn't do it, then, in her mind, I did. And it seems like the less proof there is then its just because I'm really good at being sneaky and covering my tracks. Pleasuring myself is seriously underrated and not worth that kind of effort.

I've come to the end of my rope on this issue... I'm so sick of my wife being angry at me, yelling at me, calling me names and acting like she wishes she never met me because of what a sick bastard I am... all over something I haven't done.

I love her SO much and I don't want to leave her but I'm starting to get to the point where I feel like I have no choice. I can't PROVE to her that I didn't do it - am I supposed to video tape my every waking moment?

So does anyone have any advice? I've suggested marriage counseling - no deal. I feel like I'm stuck in a spot where I can either live with a wife who doesn't trust me and resents me for these things that I do (even if I don't do them), or I can leave... both sound like really really poor options to me. I love my wife immeasurably and I don't want to ever be without her, but on the other hand every time she accuses me of this it hurts a little more than the last.

ok. long post. you love your wife. i get that. she really feels like you have betrayed her. look, she is over reacting. but be logical and rational about it. i think its more about her than about you. her reaction is toxic. this is not anger, but she is furious with you. almost as if you did cheat on her. have you cheated on her before? was there a trust issue that you didn't write about? if truly there wasn't some cheating episode from the past, then the problem is her. there's deeply rooted psychological trauma that would produce that kind of reaction in her. she needs some counseling. but she will respond that she's not the one doing that. you may love your wife, but she has issues that you are not going to be able to resolve without professional help. its affecting your everyday life. you are living in fear. think about that. the issue has less to do with masturbation, as it does with something in her guyhood. some trauma. you may not like where this all ends up. some doors are not to be opened. but if you care about this marriage, she needs some help. her reaction is disturbing, and me thinks that her reaction is a symptom of a much deeper issue. your self manipulation is a side issue. good luck.

A good friend saw a diaper from under my bed. How do I convince him a visitor left it as a prank?
For a long time, I've had a diaper fetish. No, not to go back to being a baby, but I've fantasized having sex in diapers for a long time.

Before I left for Japan for a few months, I had to empty my apartment and get help moving my stuff out.

I had a bin full of diaper cases that I moved into my car's trunk before my friends had a chance to see what was in it.

However, I forgot that there was one diaper under my bed. I didn't see it until a friend and I lifted it. He stared at it for 3, maybe 4 seconds, and when I saw it, I sat on it, in the bent-knee fashion right away. I wanted the "5-second-rule" to apply here, because this would be the best situation for it, and I told him to go to the other side and pull the bed so I'd have a chance to stuff the diaper in my pocket while he wasn't looking.

He never talked about it, and I wanted to think it's because he thought he saw something else. But maybe he was just too uncomfortable to mention it.

Then I found a vinyl pillowcase and tried to fold it into the SHAPE of a diaper, but I saw him catch me fold it. (This was so I could convince him that he only saw a vinyl case all along.)

Later, when he was in another room, I ran out the apartment and threw the diaper stuffed in my pocket, into a laundry room trash can.

The diaper wasn't my size; it was a generic brand of the GoodNites brand of bedwetter diapers, designed for the waists of no older than middle-schoolers. (It fit me too but was quite a stretch. I had a college students' waist.) It was a pull-up type, not a tape-around type.

And NO, it was "NEW," not "USED." I've worn it to try to masturbate in, but that masturbation attempt failed. I've never done the #1, 2, or 3 in it, so it was still "clean" when I rediscovered it that fateful Ides Day in March. (BEWARE OF THE IDES OF MARCH.)

So now, you see why I want him to think I've been pranked. There was only one diaper in the apartment at that point; there were no cases of it there, and it wasn't MY size. I wear boxers the rest of the time, and even pretended to scratch my waist so he could see the top of my boxers, in an effort to convince him that I don't need diapers. (Because I really don't!)

Now, I want to fabricate the story that some friend visited me one day and when I was getting a drink or something in the kitchen, he took out the bedwetter diaper and hid it under my bed, knowing I'd be leaving for Japan soon so he'd want a friend helping me move, to see it.

I lived (and now still live) off-campus, so pranks aren't as frequent off-campus as they'd be in residence halls. (A sexually promiscuous guy could leave a porno magazine under a devout Mormon's bed, for example, and pranks happen fairly often in university residence halls.) But when I'm in college and have college friends, I'm still vulnerable to pranks, so I want my friend to believe that.

Here's my planned pitch:

"So (name), I know you felt alienated at seeing an incriminating object under my bed, but I've been pranked. College students do this every so often to each other - put porno magazines under a Christian's bed so he'd get incriminated in front of his girlfriend when the pranker pulls it out from under there. Well, even if I live off-campus, I'm still vulnerable. Some other friends knew I was going to Japan and needed help moving out, so somebody who visited me put that thing under my bed so anyone who helped me, which was you, would see this and the pranker would get the last laugh. That wasn't my size, I had no cases of that thing, and I've worn boxers since 7th grade. I have no use for it; I don't need it! I'll be more vigilant of visitors from now on, so can you move on knowing I was only pranked, and be the same friend you were the day before you helped me move out? That would mean a lot to me."

Does that sound convincing enough? Would it to you, if you were the friend that found my one remaining diaper under the bed (and didn't know it was REALLY from a fetish?) If this isn't convincing enough, how should I say it differently?

I would just forget about it... he's obviously not concerned about it. Best thing to do is not draw attention to it.

Is the worst case, he thinks you piss your pants, not have this fetish.

care-o-meter reading at 0. thx for the 2pts